Life kind of feels like a scene out Kafka's "The Trial" right now. I'm stuck in an institution that no one understands and where nothing of consequence happens. I haven't missed a single class this semester, yet I don't feel as if I've learned much at all. Good grades are coming easy, but I don't feel fulfilled when I get them. I rarely read any of the five textbooks that I purchased for 200 or so dollars. Work is slow - I put in 3 hours last week. I'm tired of tagging promos, but thankful for the resume boost, and for the extra income on the side.
All of that being said, I am in no way depressed. I get frustrated and anxious some times, but I mostly happy these days. God is moving in incredible ways in my life, my girlfriend's life and in the lives of my friends. My pastor gave an incredible talk on Heaven two days ago and I, of course, had a paradoxical response. I cried that night at church and the impetus for my tears was two-fold. Firstly, I wept for the broken condition of our world - for the sinful nature of man and for hopeless souls across the planet. I cried for unsaved friends and for violence, oppression, genocide, starvation and apathy. I also wept because of the hope that we have in Jesus Christ and in the saving power of his death on the cross and resurrection from the dead. I don't deserve salvation and I can't do anything to earn it. God's grace to a ragamuffin like me is inexplicable, scandalous and beautiful. I cried because I long for, desire and crave Heaven, where everything will be made right! I can't wait.
In other news, I've been really excited about what's been going on musically in my life. My band and I (myspace.com/jameslepine) recorded in Austin, Arkansas, this past weekend and it was a blast. I think God is making it clear to me that I should try and graduate in December and then move to Portland with the band. I wanna try and make a living off of music for a few years. If we can't do it, I'll have a degree to fall back on. This I know for sure: I don't want to go to Grad/Law School - I want to try my hand at writing songs.
Here's a beautiful scripture to wrap up my post. I think it fits nicely with what I said earlier about Heaven. "But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander." -1st Peter 3:15-16
Love to all!