Tuesday, November 3, 2009

It's Been A While...

In my philosophy of relgion class, we are talking about God’s relation to time and our subsequent relation to free will, i.e. If God is everlasting, omniscient and has foreknowledge, that would mean that he knows when we are going to do something, and He can’t be wrong, how are we still free humans?

When I was a kid, I’d go out to our big backyard and use my imagination because I didn’t have any video games to play inside. I used to think about how God knows everything I do before I do it, and I’d try to do something he wouldn’t expect. I’d take take off sprinting or jump up and kick my leg wildly in the air. I’d yell out nonsensical phrases at random… “Hammashesha!” Nonsense. Absurdity. I was probably 10.

I’ve always been like that. Pushing the limits, testing the edges. I’ve always wanted to know things for myself. It’s not that I don’t listen to the wisdom of others who have gone before me; I do listen, but then I go and learn it for myself.

I’ve made A LOT of mistakes along the way. I’ve hurt a lot of people; I’ve hurt myself. I’ve faltered in my relationships with both of my F/fathers. And I want to apologize to everyone against whom I have sinned.

I’m just writing today to say that I feel like, by God’s grace, I’ve got my feet back on the ground. I had a little problem with drinking, and I kinda crawled into a cave, or let myself fall into a pit. But, again, with God’s strength, I’m making my way out and the Light looks beautiful. It hasn’t always been easy, but I don’t think that the best things in life are meant to be.